April 28th, 2011, by Shelley Riutta
To be truly loving with yourself you need to be able to set loving boundaries with others. A boundary is NOT telling someone what to do but letting someone know what you will be doing in the face of what they are doing.
An example would be if a friend of yours is constantly late for your meetings, you may set a boundary that sounds like this “Karen, if you are late I am willing to wait 10 minutes for you to arrive–if it is longer than that I will be leaving and we will have to arrange another time to meet.” Notice how this statement is neutral and non-blaming--you aren’t telling her she is bad and wrong for being late–you are just letting her know what you are choosing to do in the face of her behavior. The focus in on taking care of yourself-–what you do have control over—rather than trying to get your friend to not be late–which is controlling.
So think of your relationships and instead of trying to get people in your life to change and do things how you would like them to —put the focus on you and what you can do to take care of yourself in the face of what they are doing. The more you keep your eyes on you and taking loving care of yourself the better you will feel about yourself and the less controlling you will be of others.
Keep your eyes on you. What are the loving actions you need to do to take care of yourself in the face of someone’s behavior?
April 25th, 2011, by Shelley Riutta
It is easy to be grateful for all of the wonderful blessings in our lives. What about the challenges and difficult times? It is harder to move into a feeling of gratitude when things are hard. How can I be grateful for this situation that is causing me pain or confusion? I was on a coaching call the other night and one of my friends that was on the call said that he had a situation that blew up in his face—and this was from something he had initiated with good intentions. I was surprised to hear him talk in a cheerful voice about how grateful he was for the situation because he was able to see a pattern that has happened over and over for him—and he was able to see his part in creating this.
Trusting that every situation has something good in it for you–despite appearances– is something that can be cultivated. I work with this concept a lot with clients. Today I had a client who talked of sending a thank you note to her ex-boyfriend—who she was in one of the most challenging relationships of her life. The relationship was a huge catalyst for making a breakthrough for her in self-love and standing up for herself. The important thing is that while she was in the relationship she shifted from a victim stance of “you are doing these hurtful things to me” to a more empowered stance of what do I need to do to take care of myself in this situation–what is loving for me. She used the situation for her own growth and expansion—rather than falling victim to it and repeating an old hurtful pattern.
Think of a challenging situation that you are facing now. How can you shift your stance from a victim (you are doing this to me) to a more empowered stance (how can I use this as a vehicle for my own growth and expansion).
April 21st, 2011, by Shelley Riutta
Are you immobilized by fear about the economy? Many people are and instead of moving forward into their dreams they are pulling back in fear. This is the exact opposite of what is needed right now. We are in a transformational time that is urging each one of us to live more authentically and true to our heart. If we continue to ignore the voice of our true self and stay in places in our life out of fear—we are going to be more stuck than ever.
What I have found is the people that have been stuck are struggling even more now—and the people that are moving forward in faith are the ones that are seeing this time as a true opportunity to align more with their Spirits. When we are in faith and trust we hear the voice of our true voice guiding us safely on our path. Our attention is inward to the subtle messages of our intuition–which is how our Spirit speaks to us. If you look to the news or to outer sources to guide you–you will be confused and fearful. Use this as an opportunity to start to listen to your own inner guidance system. This voice will be one of comfort, reassurance and ideas on how to proceed during this time.
If you can think of this time as a Spiritual Awakening–that we are moving into higher, lighter spiritual frequencies. With this transition we are all called to release the denser energies of fear and control to be able to embrace this higher energy. What I see happening is that a part of the fear that people are experiencing right now is an actual release of long held dense energy that has been held inside for a long time. It is helping people being able to hold this higher frequency–so this is actually a good thing. The other kind of fear that I see people in is not a release but is being created by a projection of fear into the future. This is unnecessary fear that people are experiencing and is just causing them to suffer.
So see if you can identify where your fear is coming from. If it is old, dense fear that is being released breathe into it and consciously focus on releasing this dense energy–helping it to move through your body. If it is self-created fear based on projecting fearful thoughts into the future then open up to comforting and reassuring this fearful part of you that is creating these scary scenarios. Reassure this part of you from your loving adult that you can stay in the present moment, taking loving care of yourself and listening to your guidance on the best way to move forward.
Trust that you are being guided to navigate this time calmly and with the full assurance that all is well.
April 18th, 2011, by Shelley Riutta
“Put yourself in good hands–your own” ~Author Unknown
Recently I was listening to an interview with a mentor of mine and she was asked “If you could have done something differently in the early part of your career what would you have done?” Her reply was “I would have believed in myself from the very beginning–even before I was showing outer success.” Her answer really stuck with me.
One of the main things that I focus on in my work with clients is helping them develop an inner relationship that is supportive and loving. This I have found is the foundation and key to transforming virtually all of the struggles people have. It is not outer blocks stopping them—it is their own inner blocks that are created from a very unsupportive inner relationship with themselves.
A main part of this inner relationship is unwavering belief in
oneself.
How about for you–are you willing right now—in this very moment–to make a decision to believe in yourself? Can you believe in yourself even when you:
1. Make mistakes
2. Aren’t perfect
3. Don’t have it all figured out
3. Are confused
4. Other people are judging you
5. Someone says you can’t do it
6. You don’t have outer support or validation
7. You are a beginner
8. You aren’t an expert
9. Aren’t clear about what all your gifts are
10. You have failed in the past
Can you make a decision right now to embrace whole hearted,
unwavering belief in yourself—no matter what is happening?
Belief in yourself is a decision that you make—not something that gets determined outside of yourself.
If you make your belief in yourself dependent on outer events (i.e. others belief in you, success according to outer events etc.)—then this belief in yourself is going to fluctuate depending on those external events, people etc.
If you make the inner decision to support and believe in
yourself–no matter what–you will always be on solid ground within yourself. And that kind of inner support will only lead to an
amazing, joyful life filled with success–inner and outer that is
beyond your imagination!
April 14th, 2011, by Shelley Riutta
“When you play it safe, the only thing you learn is how to live
within the limit of your own fear.” ~ David Neagle
Are you holding yourself back in your life? Holding yourself back from all that is possible for you? We are expansive Spirits that are here to grow and expand–not stay stuck in the old for years and years. If you don’t grow and move forward you will begin to feel the consequences of not growing.
Here are some of those consequences:
1. A feeling of frustration—you get irritated easily
2. You feel like a victim–that outside forces are holding you
back—when it is really YOU holding yourself back
3. You feel depressed and hopeless and have a hard time connecting
with the amazing Joy of life
4. You feel anxious and don’t know why (you have gifts that you
have come to share–and if you don’t you will feel anxious because
this energy wants to be expressed—not held back!)
5. You feel bored–there is no excitement or passion in your life
6. You envy others and their lives–you think why can’t my life be
like that
7. You feel confused about your life direction (confusion is just a
cover for fear–if you are confused–it gives you a reason to stay
stuck and not take the risks you need to in your life)
Did you recognize some of these in you? One of the first steps to stop holding yourself back is to recognize you are doing it—and getting clear about how it is affecting your life.
You are not going to have the joy, passion, fulfillment that is available for you if you continue to make the choice to hold yourself back. So clearly state to yourself “I am holding myself back and it is causing this in my life—-(and list these things out)”
Look at this and make a clear, conscious decision to begin to not hold yourself back anymore—that you are willing to step through your fears into your aliveness and joy. Feeling fear will not kill you—it is a temporary protective mechanism that will subside as you continue to move forward in your life. As my mentor says “Fear
is not truth” so do not treat it as that. Do not treat it as a signal to stop–but to keep moving forward.
Remember your time on earth is limited—this is not a dress
rehearsal—-so you may as welll stop holding yourself back and go for what you really want–NOW!
April 11th, 2011, by Shelley Riutta
Many of us do not have good role models for resolving conflict. Typically we have seen very unhealthy models of resolving conflict: fighting, avoiding, blaming, judging, denying, controlling etc.
Because of so many experiences of conflict being painful and
frustrating—many people decide to try to avoid it at all costs.
But unfortunately there is a cost to this too—they miss out on the opportunities inherent in conflict–which is the deepening of the learning and understanding of themselves and each other.
The following are tips that you can start turning your conflicts
into learning:
1. Frame your conflicts as learning opportunities and ask “What can I learn about myself and the other person in this situation.”
2. Move into compassion with the other person. Some of the negative behavior people get into when they are in conflict is because they are AFRAID. When you can see underneath the behavior and understand that there is fear it will be easier to move into compassion.
3. Move into compassion with yourself. Ask–what is my fear here? What am I afraid will happen if I don’t get my way? Am I afraid of abandonment/rejection? Do I have a fear that there are differences between me and the other person? What is this triggering in me.
4. Do not make assumptions about why the other person is doing what they are doing—instead ask them with curiosity–not judgment. Oftentimes our anger is generated by the story we tell ourselves about what the persons behavior means. “They must not love me if they are doing that.” “They didn’t listen to be and are going against me.” Instead ask them “I am confused why you said this or did this–can you help me understand why?” It is important to do this from a state of true openness–not judgment.
5. Only resolve conflict when you are in your Authentic Self not your Conditioned Self. When you are in your Authentic Self you are open, curious and calm. When you are in your Conditioned Self you are defensive, judging and blaming. You may need to take a break to calm yourself down so you can move into your Authentic Self.
6. Oftentimes, conflict reflects something that has been triggered inside of you and has nothing to do with the other person. Ask yourself –why is this so upsetting to me–what is it triggering inside of me? Use this to do the healing work within you.
Once you frame conflict as an opportunity to learn rather than a hassle to avoid–it will transform your experience of it. This
will open you up to deepening your connection with yourself and others.
April 7th, 2011, by Shelley Riutta
Carol was in her 40′s and struggled with her weight since she was a child. She binged on sweets and couldn’t seem to control herself. She called me for some phone sessions to address this issue. In the first session it became clear what the inner dynamic was that was fueling her desire for the sweets.
Carol was very hard on herself and put pressure on herself to be perfect all of the time. She felt if she was perfect she would then be loveable and acceptable to the people around her. This was a reflection of the way her Mom treated her. When she was young her Mom didn’t see her clearly-and put pressure on her to be perfect–the message was “If you are perfect, then I will love you and accept you.” Because of the pain of not being loved unconditionally for who she really was and the pressure from her Mom to be perfect- she began to use sweets as a child to comfort herself.
This pattern continued into adulthood and was confusing for Carol because her Mom was no longer in her life and she was surrounded by people who truly did love her unconditionally. Carol was able to realize that she had a conditioned part of her that was just like her Mom-putting pressure on her to be perfect and not seeing her own intrinsic worth and loveability just as she was. This pressure was creating a lot of anxiety within her and to cope with it she overate the sweets to comfort herself.
Once she recognized this she was able to shift into being more loving and supportive with herself-much like she was able to be with her own children. She gave herself messages like “It’s OK to be you, you are loveable just the way you are.” “It’s OK not to be perfect-just relax and be yourself-you are enough just as you are.” As she gave herself these new messages she felt herself relax for the first time in years and stopped having the intense craving for sweets. She was able to understand this and heal this long-standing issue in only two sessions!
What I love about looking at the inner dialogue is that it helps to gain insight and clarity into the inner dynamic that is fueling our feelings and behavior. This clarity is about 70% of the healing. This morning as I worked with a client and we developed clarity about a long-standing pattern of hers–the feeling or incredible relief in the room was palpable. Now with awareness of the inner dynamic she had a clear path for healing and shifting the dynamic that was causing her so much pain.
Notice a long standing patterns of yours. What do you think you are saying to yourself on the inner level that is fueling this pattern–can you track the sequence of it. Example: I say this to myself–my reaction is this (ex. anxiety)-to deal with this reaction I then do this.
We are talking to ourselves all of the time–having inner dialogues that are either loving and supportive–or critical and hurtful. This type of inner reflection helps to bring these dialogues to conscious awareness so that you can make decisions to shift these dialogues to being more supportive to you.
April 4th, 2011, by Shelley Riutta
Where is your mind going lately related to prosperity? Are you buying into the fears about the “economy” or are you keeping your mind focused on what you want to create in your own life? I have made a conscious decision to not participate in what is being called a “recession” just as I choose to not participate in many
other things that do not serve me in creating the kind of life I am
creating.
We all get to choose where we are going to focus our time, energy, and attention in our day to day life. Where we focus this attention will affect how we feel from moment to moment and also
will affect what kind of direction our life will move in. Do you
want to move towards prosperity or poverty? It is as plain as that. Ultimately, prosperity is more in alignment with your true nature–your Spirit.
I hear many people around me attributing the negativity in the
world and their life to the “economy.” My neighbor tells me she is not selling her house because, of course, “the economy.” When I share with her some of the exciting things I am doing this next year she says to me, “You are going to do that in this economy?!” Yes, and I know everything will be fine. In “my world” my business is busier than it has ever been and is getting busier everyday.
We are living in two different worlds–her world is one of fear and poverty and mine is of faith and prosperity. This difference did not come up recently–we have been on two different tracks of cultivating these different mindsets for a very long time–and we are bearing different fruit from this now. What world have you
cultivated and now live in?
Over the years of working with clients I really get that people
live in different worlds that are, for the most part, self-created. One person lives in a world where people are loving and
kind–another person lives in a world where people cannot be
trusted and are out to take from them.
The important thing here is that these beliefs can attract the very thing that will reinforce their held beliefs. Whatever you believe will act as true. If you don’t know what your beliefs are look at
what you are experiencing: what kind of beliefs would you have to
have to get this experience?
I work with clients who have a template of loving relationships and this keeps happening for them over and over again. The good news is you can change your belief template.
Here are the differences in these two mindsets:
| Poverty Consciousness
|
Prosperity Consciousness |
| 1. Belief in Scarcity |
1. Belief in Abundance |
| 2. There is not enough for everybody |
2. There is enough for everybody |
| 3. Focus on bills/debt |
3. Focus on how to bring more money in |
| 4. Views money coming to them through 1 to 2 channels |
4. Open to receive money through all channels |
| 5. Focus on lack and what they do not have |
5. Has extreme gratitude for all that they have |
| 6. Watches the news to determine what is going to happen to them |
6. Limits exposure to mass media and decide what they will create in their own life personally |
| 7. Believe if they have abundance they will hurt the planet |
7. Believe they can use their abundance to help the planet e.g. buying organic products, buying a hybrid car |
| 8. Feel they don’t deserve abundance |
8. Feel they deserve abundance |
| 9. Don’t invest in personal growth |
9. Invest in personal growth |
| 10. Because of fears of scarcity, aren’t generous with others |
10. Generous in giving to others |
| 11. Aren’t aware of their limiting beliefs around money |
11. Consistently work on releasing limiting beliefs around money |
| 12. Are not aware of how to manage their money effectively- and don’t have a plan for their money |
12. Learn about effective ways to handle their money and have a plan for their money |
| 13. Believe that people with money are greedy and selfish and must have done something dishonest to get the money |
13. Realize some people with money are generous and some are greedy- they decided that they can live an abundant life that is in alignment with their values |
| 14. Fell guilty if they have abundance and others are struggling |
14. Realize that they can be a role model for others on how to create abundance. They also know that the more abundance they have the more they can help others |
| 15. Are not willing to learn from others who have created abundance. Stay stuck in their own patterns and don’t seek help |
15. Are willing to learn from others how to create abundance. Are willing to get help if they are stuck. |
Where is your mindset today? See if you can shift right now into
prosperity consciousness–being grateful for what you do have and
opening up to even more abundance. It will be more in alignment
with your true nature—which is truly abundant with love,
compassion, creativity and all of your special gifts.
Wishing you incredible prosperity!