Boundaries
November 15th, 2007, by Shelley Riutta
To be truly loving with yourself you need to be able to set loving boundaries with others. A boundary is NOT telling someone what to do but letting someone know what you will be doing in the face of what they are doing.
An example would be if a friend of yours is constantly late for your meetings, you may set a boundary that sounds like this “Karen, if you are late I am willing to wait 10 minutes for you to arrrive–if it is longer than that I will be leaving and we will have to arrange another time to meet.” Notice how this statement is neutral and non-blaming–you aren’t telling her she is bad and wrong for being late–you are just letting her know what you are choosing to do in the face of her behavior. The focus in on taking care of yourself—what you do have control over—rather than trying to get your friend to not be late–which is controlling.
So think of your relationships and instead of trying to get people in your life to change and do things how you would like them to —put the focus on you and what you can do to take care of yourself in the face of what they are doing. The more you keep your eyes on you and taking loving care of yourself the better you will feel about yourself and the less controlling you will be of others.
Keep your eyes on you. What are the loving actions you need to do to take care of yourself in the face of someone else’s behavior.
Hi, I'm Shelley Riutta MSE, LPC a Holistic Psychotherapist in private practice. I specialize in helping people connect with their Authentic selves--and from this create a life that is in alignment with their Life Purpose and filled with Joy. I offer transformational individual counseling, presentations, groups and Workshops. You can get my Free Workbook "What Do You REALLY Want: Finding Purpose and Passion in Your Life" here or contact me at 920-265-2627.
