How open is your heart?
November 26th, 2007, by Shelley Riutta
“One cannot protect against pain and open to love at the same time.”
How open is your heart today? If you are in fear, judgement, blame, guilt etc—your heart is closed and you are closing yourself off from love and connection. The above states are created by the wounded self—whose main motivation is to protect against pain–and to control others around us in order to feel safe. So many of us have been trained that others are responsible for how we feel—”You hurt me” “You did this and you are wrong–and you need to stop”. If you give responsibility for how you feel to how people are acting around you—you have placed yourself in a victim position and are operating from a false belief that they are causing your pain. You inner pain is actually being caused by what you are telling yourself about what they are doing or saying to you. Your interpretation of what they are doing or saying is what is causing the pain—it is self-created. This can be difficult to get and understand–particularly when you are in the midst of reacting to what someone is saying or doing.
To shift to a more empowered stance–one where you are taking 100% responsibility for your emotional state–you need to shift your attention inward to your own reactions. Notice what you are telling yourself about what they are saying and doing – notice if it is a projection from the past or it is setting off a negative belief you hold about yourself. It could be “They really don’t care about me because of what they are doing” or “I must not be good enough if they are treating me this way”. These are false beliefs generally from past experiences. This is where you can learn a lot about what needs healing within you.
Our reactions have more to do with us than with what is actually going on outside of us. Use these reactions as opportunities to heal and grow–rather than feel helpless and victimized by others. The more you do this–you can then keep your heart open with compassion for yourself and the other person—who may be going through their own reactions as well. In an environment of compassion challenging situations can be opportunities for tremendous growth and awareness rather than times of pain and suffering.
Take responsibility for your own reactions and use them as opportunites for growth.
Hi, I'm Shelley Riutta MSE, LPC a Holistic Psychotherapist in private practice. I specialize in helping people connect with their Authentic selves--and from this create a life that is in alignment with their Life Purpose and filled with Joy. I offer transformational individual counseling, presentations, groups and Workshops. You can get my Free Workbook "What Do You REALLY Want: Finding Purpose and Passion in Your Life" here or contact me at 920-265-2627.
