Letting Go of Control of How Others See You
December 6th, 2007, by Shelley Riutta
One of the things that gets in the way of happiness is trying to control others and outcomes. You may not be aware that you are even doing this.
I remember when I first began to work with the Inner Bonding process for my own healing -I would have sessions with Margaret Paul, the co-creator of Inner Bonding and she would give me feedback about the ways I was trying to control others and outcomes. I remember my initial reaction “Who me—I’m so nice–how can I be controlling??” The way that I attempted to control others and outcomes was more subtle than someone who used the traditional forms of controlling (anger, blame, yelling etc.) One way I controlled was through my niceness—I would try to have control over how people viewed me by being nice to them. If I was nice they I would get their approval.
You see initially I didn’t see my own worth and loveability–and that my very essence is kind. As I did my own healing I was able to see my own worth and loveability—therefore I didn’t need to “get” it from others through their approval. I could let go of trying to be nice from an energy of controlling how others saw me —to being nice from my essence—letting go if they saw me as a nice person or not. This also enabled me to speak my truth and set healthy boundaries with others as well. I could set a boundary and not worry that the person would be mad at me and think I wasn’t nice because I already new I was a nice person.
See clearly who you are—your intrinsic worth and loveability–and let go of how others see you. The more you do this the less you will attempt to control how people see you in order to feel worthy.
Hi, I'm Shelley Riutta MSE, LPC a Holistic Psychotherapist in private practice. I specialize in helping people connect with their Authentic selves--and from this create a life that is in alignment with their Life Purpose and filled with Joy. I offer transformational individual counseling, presentations, groups and Workshops. You can get my Free Workbook "What Do You REALLY Want: Finding Purpose and Passion in Your Life" here or contact me at 920-265-2627.
