May 29th, 2008, by Shelley Riutta
What I have noticed in working with clients over the years is that many people have difficulty holding their own in a relationship. What I mean by this is taking 100 % responsibility for their happiness and holding true to the highest vision for their life and relationships. People can have sense when their partner is on a different path and maybe doesn’t have the same type of dedication to growth that they have. In response to this–they may do a variety of things to deal with this. The most common thing can be to start holding themselves back from their own growth. They sense that if they keep growing that they will “grow” out of the relationship. So they make a decision that they are willing to hold themselves back, rather than lose the relationship. They ended up bringing themselves down.
When I work with a client who is doing this–I have them look at the consequence of doing this. Typically they start to struggle with depression and or anxiety. It takes a lot to hold their own energy back–and typically they will start to feel very drained from this. The origin of doing this can come from their childhood. In order to get their parents’ approval they had to be more of who their parents wanted them to be–rather than who they truly are. They actually are used to holding themselves back in a relationship because they started doing this at a young age. The belief underlying this pattern is “I can’t be all that I came here to be and be loved too–I have to hold myself back to keep my relationships.”
I encourage them to love themselves for who they truly are—and commit to allowing themselves to be all that they came here to be. They will not really know the truth of their relationship until they do this. I have seen the other partner in this kind of relationship “rise up” and start to grow as well when their partner holds their ground in their own growth. They will never know if this is a possibility until they do this. If they do embrace themselves fully and not hold themselves back—move forward in their lives—and their partner continues to stay stuck for a period of time–they will know that they did everything they could to give the relationship a chance. They can walk away with peace—opening up to a healthier connection with someone with a similar commitment to growth.
May 23rd, 2008, by Shelley Riutta
We had a great call Tuesday night–”Boost Your Confidence: 5 Simple Ways to Shine.” I gave a tele-class presentation on the inner dynamics of self-confidence and shared powerful processes to boost confidence. These are processes that I have used with clients for years to help them successfully be more confident. I also reviewed the dynamics of self-doubt and self-sabotage and gave tools to release these blocks. Don’t worry if you missed the call—I recorded it and you can order it here—I have included an article and a Self-Care Checklist with the recording as well.
Enjoy your upcoming Holiday weekend!
May 20th, 2008, by Shelley Riutta
In keeping with my latest article in the newsletter “How To Have Your Best Summer Ever” (see the previous post)–I decided to get a head start on my summer fun and take my first road trip of the Spring/Summer!
This past Saturday my friend Kathleen and I—and the boys (our two dogs Niyo and Cloud:)–took a day trip up to Peninsula State Park–a state park on Lake Michigan (In Door County). We went to see the forget-me-knots at the park–and to walk in the woods by the water. The weather was perfect. Here are some photos of our day.
We stepped off the walking trail to get closer to the water–isn’t it beautiful!
Niyo (my dog) was scared of the waves–he would lay in the water like above and then when a wave would come he would jump up as if to say “What the heck was that!!”
Look at that sky!
The sky would change so quickly this is just minutes after the previous photo.
I love the clouds in this picture.
Here is Kathleen and Niyo in the car after our hike.
Niyo inside the car saying ”Mom, whatcha doing?”
Kathleen suggested we go to the Chef’s Hat in Ephraim, WI– which is owned by our friend Mary Joyce’s son, Todd. He is a wonderful chef!
Here is Kathleen with her Salmon Sandwich—it looked great–that is what I am getting next time we go:)
And yes, to top it off we couldn’t miss going to Wilson’s Ice Cream Shop–I had my favorite Mackinaw Island Fudge ice cream cone.
What road trips to you have planned for your summer? Or what are your favorite road trips you have taken in the past? I would love to hear from you!
May 16th, 2008, by Shelley Riutta
“Be like the flower, turn your face to the sun.” Kahil Gibran
Volume 1, Issue 8 of Radiant Life Newsletter to subscribe
Are you ready for SUMMER? It is that time of year when I bring up with clients–what can you do to make this the best summer ever for you? So that is the focus of this issue of the newsletter.
One of my favorite things to do is get together with my sisters for a weekend in the summer. Typically we have gone to Noah’s Ark–a big water park here in southern Wisconsin. Last year we hung out at my sister’s house in Madison. We tend to regress to the state of mind of middle-schoolers—and we have a ton of FUN. We had a day where we took goofy pictures all day. Here is our favorite Charlie’s Angels pose. (My little sister Erin, who is kneeling looks like she means business!)
The next photo is with my brother-in-law Aaron–who is a SAINT for taking all the photos that day.
Earlier in the day we played frisbee and decided that we are equally challenged at throwing a frisbee. The frisbee would go everywhere but its designated target. We determined the common denominator and orgin of this lack of skill was my Dad. We decided to be proud!!
My sister, Nessa wanted to go for a ride on a Ferris Wheel—here she is with her husband Aaron. Aren’t they cute!
We went out to dinner and afterwards we picked up some musical instruments that were on this table and we started playing around like we were in a band. Note how my sister Erin looks like she is in pain:) I have no instrument, but I am showing my support by dancing to their beautiful music.
The grand finale was going to the video store and seeing how high we could do karate kicks in the air. (We were the only ones in the store and I think the guy behind the counter thought we were crazy)
We were obsessed with taking photos and finally Aaron (my brother-in-law) drew the line when we wanted to stop a guy who was walking his dog and take a photo with him. Thanks Aaron for being a prince of a brother-in-law that day!
I received the following emails from one of the readers of this newsletter.
“First, thank you for what you do. The ever so lit’l bits and pieces of info I get to read of your articles really hit home. Today was the Grand Daddy. Making me think of how I felt as a kid, the thing that makes us tick. Passion?
I did not get a great job that I waited months for. The simple response–God had something better. As I put a deadline on job offers and myself I thought “don’t give up before the miracle happens.”
Basically now I could not be any happier.
I have gone back to car sales with a certain fire of enthusiasm finally realizing this is my niche. The owner said I was on pace for a 20 car month.
UN-believable-believable! So many blessings have hit all at once. I need to brag, actually give huge compliments to you. With so much love going on in the work place, I learned that it reciprocates when shared. Shelley, you’re the best.” Jim, Traverse City, Michigan
Congratulations Jim!
Wishing you many of your own blessings and the joy of your best summer yet!
Warmly,
Shelley
Here is the article for this issue of the newsletter.
| How to Make this Summer Your Best Ever! |
“Celebrate Summer–Sun drenched days and starlit night…” Gooseberry Patch”Deep Summer is when laziness finds respectability” Sam Keen
It’s the middle of May—why think about summer now? What I have noticed over the years in working with clients and in my own life that if we don’t plan our summer ahead of time–it tends to get planned for us by others or lost in the busyness of life. All of a sudden it gets to the end of the summer and you have run out of time to do the things you really wanted to do.So now is the time to get out your calendar and start planning your best summer yet!Tips to make this your best summer:
1. Get clear about what you want–what are your intentions for the summer. Do you need a summer with lots of relaxation–lying on a hammock reading a favorite book? Do you need a summer with adventure–traveling to places you have always wanted to visit? Do you need a summer filled with fun times with the people you love? Are you drawn to more solitude or connection with others? You might want a mix of some of the above. The more you set your intention and then plan right now–the more likely you are to fulfill your deepest dreams for your summer.
2. Take 100% responsibility for your happiness this summer. It is your job to create the summer you would like–it is in no one else’s hands. Do not make your good times dependent on someone else. If you want to travel and your partner does not want to–find someone else to go with–or go on your own. Let go of the false belief that you are selfish if you focus on your own happiness. You are actually being self-responsible when you do this. It is our job to create as much happiness for ourselves as possible. You uplift those around you with your joy and happiness.
I have clients who have transformed their whole family by their own happiness and joy. So let go of the guilt and know that it is your job to create your own fun.
3. Decide who you want to play with this summer. Who are the people in your life you have the most fun with? Plan to be with those people this summer. Don’t do things with others out of a feeling of obligation–follow your heart and be with the people you can really play with. If you don’t have people you can play with in your life—set an intention to meet people this summer with whom you can have fun.
4. Put in on your schedule NOW- Get your calendar out and plan these fun events now. Connect with your friends and/or family and make a plan. Again–if you can’t find someone to join you on your adventure–plan it on your own.
5. Don’t back down- Take a stand for your fun. Don’t let pressure from others make you back down from what you really want to do. Stay firm on your intentions for your summer and let go of others’ reactions–their reactions have more to do with them then you. You will be amazed at how great you will feel when you follow through with your plan.
6. Connect with the little kid inside of you–If you have a hard time thinking of things that you would love to do tune into the little kid inside of you. This part of you has a ton of ideas for fun things to do. Things like: riding your bike, going out for ice cream, riding on a Ferris Wheel, going water-skiing, sleeping outside on a warm summer night.
7. Stay balanced as you plan- Make sure not to overplan your summer. Too much of a good thing can make summer activities more stressful than enjoyable.
Other ideas for Fun things to do in the summer:
*Take a day trip to a state park and walk/bike in the woods
*Attend a summer festival
*Go to the beach
*Go camping
*Take a road trip with no destination
*Go to a water park or amusement park (they are for big kids too:)
*Make a bonfire in the backyard
*Go watch a band playing outdoors
I would love to hear what your favorite things are to do this summer–post your favorite down below at the end of the newsletter.
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| Free Tele-Class “Boost Your Confidence: 5 Simple Ways to Shine.” |
Mark your calendar! I will be doing a fr*ee teleclass on Tuesday May 20th, 2008 from 7-8 p.m. Central Time zone. The topic will be “Boost Your Confidence: 5 Simple Ways to Shine”. Eliminate self-doubt and self-sabotage! Come learn simple tips to help boost your confidence. Also email me a question you have about this topic. The number for the call is 712-432-3900 the access code to get on the call is 5594042#
For more details
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May 1st, 2008, by Shelley Riutta
“Faith is the ability to see the invisible–to believe in the incredible. That is what enables you to receive what the masses think is impossible.” Clarence Smithison
Opening up to the highest possibilities in our life takes courage and commitment. There can be a lot of negative naysayers in the media—or in your own life that have limited beliefs about what is possible in life. There are also your own negative conditioning that you have absorbed from your family and the culture. It can be hard to sort through all of this to find the light of your own dreams.
Once you find the light of your own dreams it is important to stay focused on this and move forward with faith and trust. Embracing this big dream opens up the world of ideas and inspiration to the manifestation of the dream. You will not get these ideas and inspiration until you first embrace and believe yourself that it is possible. It means setting your internal dial on “Anything is Possible” and keeping it there—no matter what. As things are re-arranging themselves in support of manifesting your dream it may appear on the surface that something is going “wrong” and that your dream is not possible. That is the most important time to not waver. Keep yourself in faith and trust that your dream is in your heart because it IS possible–and you don’t have to know the HOW of how to reach your dream. Just trust that as you move forward you will get intuitve nudges that guide you to each step. Your own doubt and fear–will block this information from coming through–so it is important to stay in the lighter state of faith and trust. Your faith and trust helps you to hear the information that will guide you to your dream. It helps you tune into the frequency of the radio station “Anything is Possible”.
What can you do today to keep your dial set to “Anything is Possible”?
April 24th, 2008, by Shelley Riutta
Practicing letting go of the outcome can be one of the most powerful things you can do to bring more lightness and peace into your life. When we try to to control the outcome of things it takes so much energy and it ends up stopping the natural flow of things. The core issue why people don’t let go of the outcome is that they don’t trust that the Universe is truly on their side—and not working against them–but for them. What if you really got that there is an incredible amount of support around you each and every moment—wanting you to succeed and flourish? The very thing you want—the Universe wants this for you as well and is supporting this unfoldment. By letting go and trusting that what will unfold will be better than anything you could have imagined or tried to force into place.
Set your intention for what you want–take action on what feels right to do—and then let go and trust the unfolding of the manifestion of your dreams.
April 22nd, 2008, by Shelley Riutta
Last week I was visiting my little sister in the hospital. She had knee surgery and was staying overnight in the hospital. My Dad and I had concerns about her the way that her IV was put in so we were asking the nurse about this. My sister said that she liked the way that I was when one of our family members were in the hospital. She was referring to two years ago when my Father had a very serious surgery at UW-Hospital in Madison, WI. There were many times while he was at the hospital where I had to move into the role of advocate for him—asking why something was being done or getting assistance when he was struggling. This helps the person who is in the hospital feel safe and that someone is watching over them and making sure they are being treated properly.
I attribute my ability to step into this role is all of the personal growth work I have done over the years. To be an effective advocate for yourself or others–you really need to let go of what other people think of you–if they think you are nice etc. You need to be concerned with the issues at hand and push for answers or assistance–and let go if others think you are pushy. Most people are too concerned about what others think that they fail to stand up for themselves and those around them. I’m not talking about being rude–but speaking up assertively. This is such a valuable thing to be able to do in your day to day life–for yourself and for the people in your life.
How well do you advocate for yourself and others? Practice letting go of what others think and focus on what you need to do to take care of yourself and those around you.
April 15th, 2008, by Shelley Riutta
When we have dreams there is a waiting period between having the dream in our mind and it coming into physical form. For some dreams this waiting period is very short—we have the dream and soon after the dream comes to pass. For many dreams there is some longer waiting period—a gestational period where we are preparing on the inner level to receive the dream and things are being prepared on the unseen level to manifest this dream as well. Also during this gestational period we may be taking physical actions to move us towards the dream.
What do you do during this waiting period? Do you stay positive and expectant this dream will manifest—or do you move into worry and fear? What we do during this waiting period is important. We can cause needless suffering if we move into worrry and fear. To help yourself not move into worry and fear–it is important to embrace a feeling of faith and trust. Faith is having trust that the dream in your head will manifest in the physical world. It is having trust in the unseen process of manifestation that is taking place during this waiting period. Look for signs that you are on track. You may meet someone who has already manifested the dream you are wanting—this is a way that you are being shown that this dream is possible. Use this as reassurance that it will happen for you too. Don’t use it in a negative way where you say “That happened for them—it will never happen for me”. You may also get signs in a real literal way. This just happened to me yesterday. I had a few moments of doubt about a dream that I am manifesting and just as I thought those thoughts I saw a sign for a store called “Dreams Come True”. Now I have driven on this road 100’s of times and I had never seen this sign for this store before until yesterday! This has happened to me before during times I really needed the support—and it is so reassuring and magical.
If you are in a waiting period for your dream stay in a state of faith and trust. Look for signs and markers along the way that signal that you are on track–you just need to be patient. I would love to hear of some of the signs you have had as you moved towards your dream.
April 10th, 2008, by Shelley Riutta
I am a member of a networking group and it has been interesting to watch the different members reactions to what is happening in the economy. Some of the members who are in the same industry are having different reactions—thus are having different results. Some people are attributing the slowness in their business to what they hear in the media–that we are going into a recession and people just “aren’t buying”. Then other people in the same industry make no mention of a slow down in the ecomony and are busier than ever. One guy has been so busy he hasn’t been able to attend out meetings! I went up to him after the last meeting and we talked about this—he said “I don’t focus on what is being said–I just kicked it into high gear and pursued these projects and things are going great–I am busier than ever!”
I have noticed too with my newer clients–many of them are mentioning the economy and their fears about how this will affect them. The clients I have been seeing for awhile—make no mention of this at all. They keep their focus on the positive–take action in their lives to move their business and lives in a positive direction. The phrase “What you think about expands” is a factor here. The clients I have worked with for awhile learn that their own thoughts and actions lead to the results in their lives. If someone is in fear and believes that external circumstances determine what is going to happen in their lives—their results will reflect this. They will not take action and be immobolized—they will then create the very think they fear. Going to my example above—the people that felt the economy was slowing down and “people weren’t buying”—stopped marketing their business because they felt “they won’t buy anyway”. The person with the booming business didn’t stop pursuing business and started marketing even more–that is where he channeled his energy–his results were dramatically different.
Notice in your life how you are creating your own reality by the thoughts you hold—whether positive or negative—then these thoughts impact the kind of action you do or do not take. Make the connection and really get that you are more in charge of what happens in your life than you may think right now.
April 6th, 2008, by Shelley Riutta
“Speak your mind…even if your voice shakes” Maggie Kuhn, member of the Gray Panthers–social activist group advocating for justice and fairness for older americans.
I was reminded of this quote when I attended my first Toastmasters meeting last Thursday. For those of you who don’t know– Toastmasters is an organization designed to give people an opportunity to speak in front of a group and get constructive feedback. Some people attend for personal growth–and some attend to help develop their speaking skills for their profession. I had been wanting to attend Toastmasters for about a year and I finally put it in my schedule and attended.
I was so inspired by everyone who gave a speech! Despite nervousness and shakey voices they were doing it—moving beyond their fears into freedom. It was so moving for me. One of the biggest fears for most people is public speaking and here was a whole group of people actively moving through this fear.
I thought since it was my first meeting that I would be off the hook from speaking—not so—just as my mind was starting to drift off I heard my name. My friend Nancy who was in charge of the table top speeches–these are 1-2 minute speeches that are impromptu speeches on a random topic–decided to call on me to do one of the speeches. For me public speaking creates some anxiety in me but more than anything I get excited and invigorated by speaking. So I left the meeting flying high because of a few things—I was inspired by the others who were moving through their fears, I was excited that I finally attended and I’m glad I got my feet wet by getting to speak!
The more you face your fears and do it anyway you will move into freedom in your life. Don’t let your fears hold you back any longer. Do it even if your voice shakes!
What are you afraid of? What can you do to face this fear rather than avoiding it? Make a plan to do it this week!
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