December 11th, 2012, by Shelley Riutta
“If you can dream it, you can do it.” Walt Disney
“Whatever you can do, or believe you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.”
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
I love the phrase “Reach for the Stars!” It conjures up images for me of magic and seems to open the doorway to amazing possibilities. We typically are not taught to reach for the stars. We are not encouraged to dream big dreams. We are for the most part taught to instead keep our dreams small and contained—following the typical societal roadmap for success: go to college in an area that you can make money, maybe in an area you enjoy—and then pursue this career path, find a life partner, possibly have a family. This is not bad—it may even lead to an enjoyable life—but what if there was more?
What if there was a door beyond your current thinking that took you to a place that was a life you thought you could only dream about? What if the only way you could get there was to first believe it is even there to begin with? Could you open up to this idea—or does a negative voice shoot this down “Yeah, right—me living a big dream—fat chance!”
We all have conditioned thought patterns that dictate how we perceive the world around us and what possibilities are open to us and which are not. These thought patterns are handed down to us from generation to generation. If your parents lived their dreams and were filled with joy and fulfillment, then you probably inherited some thought patterns that will lead to the same experience for you.But if your parents were unhappy and struggled with fear, addictions, lack of purpose, lack of deep connection with others than watch out—your inherited conditioned thought patterns may be hazardous to your Life!
The interesting thing about these thought patterns are that they are invisible to us. They are so much a part of us that they feel normal and we don’t even notice the ways they are limiting our life. You are probably even shaking your head right now wondering “What is she talking about?” The signs that you are under the influence of these limiting patterns can be one or more of the following:
What is sad is that there is amazing potential that lies in each and every one of us—but so little of it is fully realized because of these limiting thought patterns. If you are feeling some of the things I listed above it is a signal that there is more in life awaiting you.These feelings are indicating that conditioned thought patterns are holding you back from more that is wanting to be expressed inside of you.
Your essential self, your authentic self came into the world to fully express it’s unique creativity and gifts. Imagine the incredible, vital energy of your authentic self hitting the conditioned thoughts of your family –bumping up against thoughts like “You aren’t talented” “Just get a good job and build security—that is what is important” “Don’t rock the boat—keep safe—don’t upset anyone” “Be a good girl/boy and do what I expect and want you to do” “You’re not anyone special” or thoughts about life in general like “Life is struggle—work hard and maybe you will have some enjoyment in retirement” “Life is not meant to be fun—just get through it” “Don’t expect so much, be happy with what you have” “You can’t pursue your dreams AND make money”.
Do you notice any of these messages from your own life? Some of these messages are given directly and some are conveyed through what you saw your parents experience in life and the choices they made. An example could be “Dad stayed at the same job for 40 years even though he hated every minute of it.” Let’s look at all of the messages you would receive if you observed your parent doing this:1. It is OK to stay in a job that you don’t like for the security 2. It’s not OK to take risks—don’t rock the boat—don’t risk 3. Your happiness is not important 4. How you spend the majority of your time doesn’t matter—as long as you are making money 5. Life is not about being happy 6. It is good to sacrifice your happiness for others. These messages can have an impact on you that you are aware of like “My Dad was stuck in a job he didn’t like—I will never let that happen to me.” So you make a conscious choice to break out of that pattern. But what about the unconscious impact?
What I think is most interesting is the messages that we have absorbed that we are NOT conscious of and how these affect our everyday life and choices. We need to watch for this the most—because these unconscious thought patterns will affect us and limit all that we are capable of accomplishing in our life. Use the signals above as a guide to let you know if these unconscious patterns are limiting you. If you are feeling incredibly happy, joyful, on purpose and are feeling vibrantly alive -than you are fine—these limiting patterns are probably not operating in your life.If you are feeling some of the feelings listed above than the following tips to break out of these patterns will be helpful.
How to Break Free from Limiting Patterns and Reach for the Stars
So begin today to believe in the beauty of your dreams and the incredible possibilities for your life. Take action to move towards these dreams and watch doors open up for you, unique gifts of yours come out— all leading you to life, that until now you have only dreamed about. Believe and it is possible.
“Doing what you Love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life.” Wayne Dyer
A big challenge can be letting all of this good in and getting comfortable with it. A recent example of this was client of mine, Karen, (not her real name.)
Karen had connected deeply with her Authentic Self and got clarity about her Life Purpose. She took the courageous steps to align with and follow her Life Purpose.
She was so surprised to find the more she followed her true purpose–the better things got in every area of her life–including her finances. She was able to do what she loved and was making three times what used to make at a job she hated!
She was flying high until she attended a recent party of one of her friends. One person after another complained about the economy or how much stress they had at a job they didn’t even like.
Karen began to feel guilty for all of the joy and abundance she was experiencing. She said “I felt ashamed–like I was bad for having it so good–who am I to have all of this when others are struggling so much?”
I explained to her that what she was experiencing was what EVERYONE is meant to be experiencing–a connection with their true self, loving connections with others and work that they love–including amazing abundance.
I shared it was her own commitment and investment in her own growth that had paved the way for what she was experiencing. “Karen, every person at that party can experience what you are—it is up to them to love themselves enough to invest their time, energy and money in their growth—like you did” I said to her.
Karen nodded her head as she listened to me. “But what about the money—I can’t believe I am earning so much money for doing what I love—it seems like it is too good to be true!” she questioned.
“Again, Karen, this is how it is meant to be for everyone. Abundance flows to us when we are aligned with our True Life Purpose. The other people at the party are struggling so much because they aren’t aligning with their true path. They are instead chasing security—but true security and abundance comes from doing what you love and what you are meant to be doing on the planet. That is what you are experiencing now.”
Karen said “When you explain it that way—it makes so much sense. I feel so joyful and happy—I want everyone to be experiencing what I am!”
“And Karen, everyone can experience what you are experiencing but it is up to them to make the choice to invest the time and energy to explore just what their true path is—and then take the steps to align with it. Then their life is not ‘too good to be true’ but what their life was meant to be like all along— incredibly joyful and abundant.”
“There is no certainty on this earth, only opportunity” Douglas MacArthur
“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity” Albert Einstein
Do you have things going on in your life that lead you to feel uncertain and afraid? Have you lost a job, is a relationship changing–is there some transition going on in your life? With so much change happening in the world right now–we can take different perspectives on what is happening. We can say to ourselves “Everything is crumbling around me, the world is falling apart” or we can say “What is no longer serving my higher growth is fading from my life–opening up an even better path for me to travel.”
What if the Uncertainty is a gateway to even better things in your Life? What if it moves you into examining yourself on a deeper level—helps you to get clear about your true values and priorities—helps you to ask the ever important question “Why are you here—how do you want to use your very precious time on the planet?”
Here are some other Gifts and Opportunities of Uncertainty:
1. Helps you to deepen your connection with yourself
2. Allows you to pull forth strength and courage from inside of you that you never even knew you had
3. Helps you to loosen your dependence on outer structures and people for your sense of security (question yourself–what outside of me do I rely on for a sense of safety and security?) The shaking of this is to gently remind you that you have incredible resources in your own Spirit that can be called upon and relied upon in any situation–plus your own Spiritual Connection–whatever that is for you.
4. Allows you to develop your faith and trust in the Spiritual realm which is where you come from—being that you are a Spiritual Being having a human experience. When there is nothing to hold onto for certainty in the physical realm–we can have our deepest experiences of connection with the Divine.
5. Opens you up to new paths that you would have never considered if you were back in your old “certain” world.
6. Gives you practice to embrace change with faith and trust—rather than dropping into fear (a priceless ability that you will carry with you forever)
7. Gives you the opportunity to move into a deeper level of Authencity with who you are (drop pretending to be something other than who you are) and to finally line up with your Authentic Dreams and Life Purpose
8. Helps you to WAKE UP rather than live life on auto-pilot.
“The dream was always running ahead of me. To catch up, to live for a moment in unison with it, that was the miracle. ” ~Anais Nin
What would you do if you were not afraid? What risks would you take in your life? What would it look like to take a leap in your life? Many of us spend most of our time creating what we think of as safety and security in our life—having a job that pays well, having a home, saving for the future, keeping our relationships the same etc. Essentially establishing and maintaining the status quo.
Now there is nothing wrong with this except that many people tend to error on the side of not knowing when it is time to make a change—when it is time to take a leap. You see we are expansive Spirits who are here to grow, learn and express our full potential. These signals that our Spirit wants to grow are very subtle and can be easily covered over by the voice of what we “should” be doing in our life. When this happens it can lead to problems in our lives.
Here are some Signals that you may need to take a leap in your life:
1. The biggest Signal is that you feel stuck and stagnant. Because we are meant to grow and expand when we stop this expansion we will feel the energy inside of us start to get “stuck”.
2. You tend to worry a lot. There is a lot of creative energy that wants to move within you and create—if you stop this energy from creating it has nowhere to go but into another activity like worry. So stop worrying and start creating!
3. You are over focused on other people and their problems. Because you don’t have a compelling leap you are making in your life you have no focal point for your energy—so you can get easily distracted by other people’s problems. If you find yourself repeatedly caught about in other people’s issues—it is a signal you need to take leap in your own life.
4. You feel depressed. There is passion and dreams within you that long to be felt and expressed. If you put a lid on these—you hold this energy back and you will feel depressed.
5. You are jealous of other people and what they are doing in their own lives. This is another signal that you have untapped dreams inside of you. Treat your jealousy as a gift, a signal that you have so much more inside of you that wants to be expressed— much more than you ever could imagine!
6. You have low energy. When you are not growing and expanding your energy starts to get dull and stagnate—which makes it even harder to start to make changes. The key is to move out of your inertia to begin to make the changes that your Spirit is calling to make—and to keep moving forward.
7. You are easily irritated and frustrated. Your Spirit can get a little cranky if you are not heeding its call for you to move forward in your life. You can blame it on your job, your mate, your kids, your relatives—but it all comes down to the core issue—you must listen to your Spirit and begin to express this beautiful energy or you will be very frustrated.
8. You feel hopeless. Your Spirit may be signaling that you need to Leap—but your conditioned self—your fears– block you from taking any action. Just like a little kid who wants something so badly and the parents are ignoring these desires— and not doing anything about them—the child begins to feel hopeless. The same dynamic operates inside of you. Not listening to the voice of your Spirit over and over can lead to the same kind of hopeless resignation. Instead listen to your Spirit and take action on these desires and you will feel your hope and excitement for the future begin to soar.
Learning to Fly—Flying Lessons
Lesson One: If you are confused what your Leap would be ask yourself “What is one thing that my Spirit has been quietly telling me to do for years—that I have been ignoring?” It could be something small—like “My Spirit has been telling me to exercise regularly for years”. Take action on this information because there is a wisdom in your Spirit—it knows what step needs to happen first—and this step will lead to the next—and then to the next. Before you know it these smaller steps will build a momentum that will lead you to even bigger leaps.
Lesson Two: Know that you will be uncomfortable as you take your Leaps and learn to Fly. Use this statement to help yourself “I am willing to be uncomfortable to make the changes I need to make.” The more you acknowledge that uncomfortableness is just part of the process—not a signal that you need to stop—you will be able to continue to move forward. The more you do this the more comfortable you will get with the uncomfortableness.
Lesson Three: Keep Your Eye on the Prize. As you take your Leap there will be things that may appear that seem like obstacles in your path. Your job is to keep focused on where you are going and NOT to get sidetracked into over focusing on these obstacles. When I work with clients and this happens—the more they stay on track with their vision of where they are going—the more easily these apparent obstacles just fall away.
Lesson Four: As You Leap You Will begin to Adjust to a Higher, Lighter Vibration and your Body will shed dense energy so you Can Move Higher. This can manifest in getting physically sick for a brief time as your body adjusts and releases the dense energy you have been carrying. After you get better you will feel better than you did before you got sick—you will have upleveled. You can also release this denser energy through feeling emotions of sadness, fear and anxiety. Again these emotions will quickly move through and you will feel lighter and more free after they pass through. Remember the lighter you are—the easier it is to fly!
Lesson Five: You will feel VERY supported as you take action and Leap. Once you make the decision and leap you will feel amazing levels of support come to you from the Universe. Clients of mine who had been sitting on the sidelines for years contemplating their leap are blown away with how supported they feel when they finally take action. They say to me “If I knew it was going to feel this wonderful I would have made this change years ago!” You will feel support from other people, circumstances will come together to support you in miraculous ways, doors will fly open, signals come that let you know you are on track. You will meet people who are your “flying partners”—people on your path that are uniquely supporting you by giving you enthusiastic encouragement and also practical support and information.
Lesson Six: As you Leap and Begin to Fly you will Feel a Special Joy. You are meant to be flying—soaring in your life. There is a special joy that is natural to our Spirits when we align with what we are meant to be doing in our life. It is a joyful, fulfilling feeling that we are on track in our life—exactly where we are meant to be. It is what everyone is longing for—and for good reason—this is the feeling that you are meant to be feeling each and every day.
So listen to the subtle—or not so subtle signals that you are meant to take a leap in your life. Listen and leap—trusting that as you jump you will feel a sweet support and a cheering surrounding you –lifting you to fly even higher into the magnificent life that is meant especially for you!
“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all” ~Helen Keller
If you don’t take steps to gain clarity about your life purpose and pursue this–you will begin to feel an increasing sense of feeling stuck. Sometimes this will even lead to feelings of depression and anxiety. Despite these uncomfortable feelings, many people still won’t take action. Why would this be?
Many people avoid discovering their life purpose because of the fear of the changes it might call them to make in their life. They fear rocking the boat, upsetting the status quo and stepping out into the unknown. They ask “What will my life look like living my life purpose?” and “Can I trust if I take the leap- I will succeed?” and “Can I make mon-ey at my life purpose?”
I believe the epidemic use of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication is a band-aid for the underlying issue of being disconnected from one’s true self–and one’s true purpose. Stifling and suppressing who we are and what we came here to do has consequences of making us feel despair, hopelessness and creating anxiety. Our true self is filled with passion, creativity and a purpose that desires to be fully expressed.
Are you following the path of your life purpose? Do you feel filled with aliveness, vibrancy and excitement about your life? Are you taking the risks to find out your life purpose and to pursue it? What are the consequences of NOT doing it? There is also an incredible loss of you not following your purpose–there is your own loss of the joy of following your passion–but also the loss of the people who will miss out on what you came to share. Everyone loses—you and the world.
Looking at some of the questions people typically have when trying to find their life purpose can help you sort through some of the common fears and questions that may hold you back.
Questions I get asked when people come to me wanting to find their life purpose:
You may need to move past limiting beliefs about who you are and what you are capable of doing. You will be called to release all the limitations that hold you back from manifesting your full potential. You must be willing to heal and step into more of who you truly are. It will be both exhilarating and at times scary —but well worth it!
I also encourage people to look for a support group of like-minded people who are also pursuing their passions. You can give and receive support from people who really understand what you are going through. I offer these kind of structured groups to help people while they are in the process of finding and pursuing their life purpose. Learning both to access your own inner strength and also getting enough support are essential to make the process easier for you.
Sometimes someone’s life purpose can be right underneath their nose. I remember one time in a session with a client and she was going around and around about figuring out her life purpose. I asked her to be quiet and connect with her Spirit and answer from her Spirit what her life purpose was—she stated it simply and clearly and opened her eyes in disbelief. She didn’t think it could be that easy. What was blocking her awareness was all of the clutter of the fears about pursuing her purpose. She kept herself from knowing so she wouldn’t have to face her fears and take action to pursue her purpose.
Remember what I said above–you will be required to stretch and grow as you are living your purpose. If in the face of an obstacle and you move into negativity and give up—you will fail. But instead if you look at it as an opportunity to learn and grow—and continue to move forward–you will succeed.
Persistence and perseverance are key in being successful at your life purpose. Mark Victor Hanson and Jack Canfield presented their idea for the Chicken Soup for the Soul book to 100 publishers before it was accepted. Can you stay true to your purpose in the face of rejection? What I have found is that these kind of experiences can help people move more into a deeper belief in themselves and their purpose. Do you have the courage to believe in yourself when no one around you believes in you? Many successful people are successful because of their ability to do just that. This belief in themselves allows them to persevere when others would give up.
There is a book titled “The Luck Factor” by Richard Wiseman which documents the common traits of lucky and successful people. One of the traits is that they would persist in the face of challenges and have confidence that the obstacles were actually helping them achieve their goals. They viewed challenges differently than “unlucky” people. He found that lucky people are able to transform their bad luck into good fortune by using different psychological techniques. For example, they see the positive side of the challenge, they do not dwell on the challenge, they are convinced the situation in the long run will work out for the best and they take a proactive approach to the situation.
So your “Success” in following your life purpose will be determined a great deal by your own mindset and the positive action you take.
You may be a pioneer in the field and could use extra support and your own creativity to find a way to make mon-ey at your life purpose. You may want to pursue a field that has a stereotype of not being lucrative–like: being an artist, musician, healer etc. The good news is we are living in the era of the creative entrepreneur and thousands of people around the world are taking these professions into a new realm of mon-ey making possibility.
Find someone who is doing this and learn from what they are doing. Use what they are doing as creative inspirations for your own ideas as well.
As time goes on it will become clear which relationships are growing and which ones you are outgrowing. Trust that when you get to that point of having to let go of some of your relationships it will be a natural letting go process that will just make sense. There are some people we are meant to journey with our whole lives and some that come to be with us for a certain period of time. I have seen clients who have stopped their own growth because they fear that if they keep growing they will outgrow their relationships.
It is unpredictable what will happen--you can’t guarantee that someone will not grow along with you–you will be surprised. The only way to know for sure is to take the leap and trust that whatever happens will be in the highest good for everybody involved!
Doing some work to clear these distortions away and see yourself clearly will help open the door for your self-worth to soar. You will be amazed at how much you are truly capable of.
Now that you have more clear information about finding and pursuing your life purpose–are you ready to take the leap? See if you can identify one small step to move towards finding and pursuing your life purpose. It might be something like setting aside a few hours of quiet time for you to journal and connect with yourself. Or it might mean doing research on an area that is of interest to you. Write down what step you would like to take and make a promise to yourself to follow through and do it.
Wishing you all the best on finding and aligning with your unique Life Purpose!
One of the things that will hold you back from feeling good about yourself is expectations of perfection. Do you put pressure on yourself to do things perfectly or to be perfect? See if you can watch yourself carefully to see if you are doing this because it puts unrealistic pressure on yourself—it also sets you up to self-judge if you fall short of your perfectionist expectations.
See if you can loosen things up for yourself and let yourself be imperfect and to do things imperfectly. You will find yourself relaxing more and just letting yourself be yourself–-and you are WONDERFUL just the way you are—you don’t need to prove it with being perfect.
Today—relax and just let yourself be you—letting go of expectations of perfection!
When is the last time you reached out for support? I work with people on developing a Loving Adult on the inner level that is attending to their feelings and taking loving actions on their own behalf. We also need support from others. So it is the job of the Loving Adult to determine when it is time to reach out to others.
The wounded self—the conditioned part of us may think that reaching out is a bad thing–that others will think we are weak or will let us down etc.—so it is better to “just do it on our own.” If you follow the wounded self and don’t reach out you will feel alone and isolated–on top of struggling with whatever you are struggling with. Reaching out to others will help you open up to connection–to know that you are not alone and that someone cares about you and is supporting you. Many of our wounded states are related to feeling somehow different and set apart from everyone else in our suffering. So reaching out and connecting in of itself is very healing and will help you shift into a better place.
Spirit works through other people as well as coming from your own guidance. The information that would be helpful to you is always trying to get through to you. It can be our own negative states that lower our frequency and make it difficult to receive this information. So reaching out to others will allow helpful information to come through to you that you may be blocking because you are having a difficult time.
Give yourself the gift of reaching out to others for support when you need it.
How loving are you with those around you?
How you treat others will affect how you feel about yourself as well as greatly impact the quality of your connections with people. Notice what you focus on in others—is it their faults–what they are doing wrong—or what you love and appreciate about them.
A simple loving comment to someone in your life–can improve how you feel as well as positively affect their mood as well. Make it a practice to share appreciations with people throughout the day—everyone you meet share something you appreciate about them and watch the joy you feel as well as the joy you will spread to them.
Instead of putting pressure on yourself or having expectations of perfectionism–lighten up and be gentle. This energy of being gentle will make your inner world lighter and more loving.
You will begin to relax and be more authentic–be more “you”. This inner shift will also help you to be more gentle with those around you—which will open the door for a closer connection.
Today practice being gentle with yourself.