November 28th, 2007, by Shelley Riutta
It is a challenge for most people to really love their body. We get so many cultural messages that promote a body ideal that is unrealistic for most people. It is like we all walk around with this toxic conditioning about the ideal body that we need to contend with if we are really going to move into self -love. One of the key things is to become aware that it is conditioning and NOT the truth. When you are judging your body against the ideal you are judging yourself against an unrealistic image.
Instead of judging your body for being different than the ideal—begin to appreciate your body for how it is unique and different—and this uniqueness makes up the specialness of YOU. Practice looking in the mirror at the part of your body you have been the hardest on and start to see the beauty of this part of you. It will take time and a focus on releasing your comparisons of this part of you to the supposed ideal. By practicing this you can move into a space of loving every part of your body and celebrating your unique and beautiful body.
It is your body. Claim it’s beauty!
November 13th, 2007, by Shelley Riutta
When you have a challenge in your life—what do you say to yourself about it? Do you say “Here we go again—why does this stuff always happen to me?” One of the things that I have learned over the years is that how we frame what is happening will shape our experience of it. It can be very helpful to shift into a perspective that says “I trust that there is a gift here for me–even though I can’t see what it is.” The gift will be in the form of a healing, a new insight, a shift in perspective–a transformation in a relationship. The gift is always there–it is just being open to see it. It can take some practice to do this—particularly if something is really challenging for you—and a gift is about the last thing you think will come out of it. But the interesting thing is that the bigger the challenge–the bigger the gift.
See if you can shift your thinking around a challenge you are experiencing and ask yourself “What is the gift here for me.”
November 12th, 2007, by Shelley Riutta
I know I have talked about this before but it is such an important inner dynamic with self-esteem—and that is self-judgement. How you are feeling about yourself throughout the day will be determined by your inner dialogue–if it is loving and supportive or critical. The self-judgement at times can be so subtle that you may not even be aware of it. At the “I am Fabulous” Workshop that I did a few weeks ago–I had everyone draw a wheel and for each of area of their life color in that wedge how satisfied they were with that area of their life. What was interesting is that some people had the realization that they had wonderful things going on in their life but their own self-judgement kept them from experiencing and letting these good things in. Notice if this is the case for you. Do you have some wonderful things happening in your life—but your own self-judgement is blocking your enjoyment of these things. See if you you can let go of the judgements and let the good in! You’ll be amazed and how your life can shift by doing this simple change.
Let go of self-judgement and let the good in!
November 10th, 2007, by Shelley Riutta
Hello-One of the things that will hold you back from feeling good about yourself is expectations of perfection. Do you put pressure on yourself to do things perfectly or to be perfect? See if you can watch yourself carefully to see if you are doing this because it puts unrealistic pressure on yourself—it also sets you up to self-judge if you fall short of your perfectionistic expectations. See if you can loosen things up for yourself and let yourself be imperfect and to do things imperfectly. You will find yourself relaxing more and just letting yourself be yourself—and you are WONDERFUL just the way you are—you don’t need to prove it with being perfect.
Today—relax and just let yourself be you—letting go of expectations of perfection!
November 7th, 2007, by Shelley Riutta
Hello! When is the last time you reached out for support? I work with people on developing a Loving Adult on the inner level that is attending to their feelings and taking loving actions on their own behalf. We also need support from others. So it is the job of the Loving Adult to determine when it is time to reach out to others.
The wounded self—the conditioned part of us may think that reaching out is a bad thing–that others will think we are weak or will let us down etc.—so it is better to “just do it on our own.” If you follow the wounded self and don’t reach out you will feel alone and isololated–on top of struggling with whatever you are struggling with. Reaching out to others will help you open up to connection–to know that you are not alone and that someone cares about you and is supporting you. Many of our wounded states are related to feeling somehow different and set apart from everyone else in our suffering. So reaching out and connecting in of itself is very healing and will help you shift into a better place.
Spirit works through other people as well as coming from your own guidance. The information that would be helpful to you is always trying to get through to you. It can be our own negative states that lower our frequency and make it difficult to receive this information. So reaching out to others will allow helpful information to come through to you that you may be blocking because you are having a difficult time.
Give yourself the gift of reaching out to others for support when you need it.
November 5th, 2007, by Shelley Riutta
I woke up this morning with this song floating in my mind:
“I love myself so much, That I can love you son much, That you can love you so much, That you can start loving me.”
This is a chant from the Agape Church in Los Angeles, CA. The church was founded by Michael Beckwith–who you may recognize from the movie “The Secret”. I was on a personal growth cruise in October and Michael–along with his wife Rickie Byars Beckwith–gave a service every morning. They blew everyone away with how loving and inspirational they both were—pure emodiments of unconditional love. I bought a CD that has this song and other wonderful songs.
We sang this song at the “I am Fabulous” workshop. My assistant at the Workshop teased me and said it reminded her of a Seasme Street song!! I said –”whatever works, I am using it!” I love the words of the song and I have found that singing positive statements helps the message get in on a much deeper level. At the workshop we had everyone come up with a postive affirmation that they really wanted to absorb–and we put it to a tune and recorded it for them to take home and listen to over and over. It was so much FUN!
So think of what loving message you want to give yourself and put it to a catchy tune–and watch this message get absorbed and lift your Spirit! Let me know what you come up with!!
November 3rd, 2007, by Shelley Riutta
Hello! I hope you are having a great weekend! I am in Florida visiting my Mom and I am enjoying the SUN here. I feel like I am a solar panel absorbing all the the rays for the coming winter in Wisconsin!
My Mom has been very challenged in taking care of my 92 Grandfather who is in a nursing home. This has been affecting her own health because she has done—what many, many people do in this situation–that is neglect her own self-care.
Over the years I have gained incredible respect for people who are in the role of care-giver for a loved one who is either sick or in a nursing home. One of the things that I encourage people in that role to do is to take extra care of themselves while they are in the care-giver role. Rather than losing sight of their own self-care as they in the care-giving role—I encourage them to make sure they are taking really good care of themselves. I have learned that it is little self-care things that can make a huge difference.
When I was caring for my Dad after a high risk surgery I would make sure I got enough sleep, ate healthy meals througout the day, walk outside to get some sunshine and tag team with family members to get a mental break from the situation. I also made sure I was staying connected to my spiritual support–praying, reading inspirational books, feeling the loving support from my spiritual connection reminding me that all was well–even though at moments it didn’t appear that things were. At the most intense times I would call the Unity prayer line to connect with a reassuring voice that would help calm me with uplifting prayers that would help me shift into feeling the peace of my own spiritual connection. I also watched what I told myself about the situation—I could think thoughts that would increase the stress I was feeling or think calming/reassuring thoughts that would decrease the stress.
We all have periods of time when we are in the care-giving role. These are the most crucial times to be practicing self-care. It is easy to let it slide because of the stress and intensity of the situation. Remind yourself that your self-care is vital and will allow you to be a more present and healthy care-giver to your loved one. Reach out for help and support to those around you at the times it feels overwhelming. If you are not used to doing this—it is a good time to learn–because if you don’t reach out for support you are at risk of getting burned out.
If you are not in the care-giver role right now –think of someone you know that is going through that experience and call them to see if you can help out in any way. They will greatly appreciate your reaching out to them and it will make a huge difference in their lives.
Remember to love yourself as you are loving and caring for others.
November 2nd, 2007, by Shelley Riutta
How loving are you with those around you? How you treat others will affect how you feel about yourself as well as greatly impact the quality of your connections with people. Notice what you focus on in others—is it their faults–what they are doing wrong—or what you love and appreciate about them. A simple loving comment to someone in your life–can improve how you feel as well as positively affect their mood as well. Make it a practice to share appreciations with people throughout the day—everyone you meet share something you appreciate about them and watch the joy you feel as well as the joy you will spread to them.
You can be a beacon of light to those you connect with—so let your light shine and share your appreciation today.
November 1st, 2007, by Shelley Riutta
One of the exercises that you can practice to raise your self-esteem is to practice being gentle with yourself. Instead of putting pressure on yourself or having expectations of perfectionism–lighten up and be gentle. This energy of being gentle will make your inner world lighter and more loving. You will begin to relax and be more authentic–be more “you”. This inner shift will also help you to be more gentle with those around you—which will open the door for a closer connection.
Today practice being gentle with yourself.
October 31st, 2007, by Shelley Riutta
Hello! Happy Wednesday to you! What happens inside of you when you get a reaction from someone that you perceive as negative? How you react will affect how you feel about yourself. Carmen was talking to a good friend of hers and she sensed that he was irritated by something—right away she went into self-judgement–she thought “He must be upset with me–he must think that I am being very demanding” she felt awful when she thought this–but it was an automatic reaction.
It reminded her of when she was little and her Mom would be mad and irritated and took it out on her. She learned to take responsibility for her Mom’s upset—Mom must be right—I am bad.
Now Carmen is an adult and developing a Loving adult voice inside of her–once she catches this self-judgement she can move into compassion with herself and say “Honey we don’t know what is going on with our friend—it probably has nothing to do with you–we are not responsible for his feelings–let’s just check in with him and see what is going on.” She did check in with him and the irritation she thought he was in was something else that he was feeling and was not related to her at all.
So next time you perceive a negative reaction from someone–first move into compassion with yourself —reassuring yourself that you are not the cause of these feelings in the other person. Then you can move into the intent to learn with the other person and find out what is going on for them. By doing this you will prevent yourself from going into needless self-judgement of yourself–causing yourself unecessary pain and eroding your self-esteem.
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