Transforming Your Relationship with Money

What is your relationship like with money?  Do you have a lot of stress about not having enough?  Do you feel you never get ahead financially?  Do money issues prevent you from pursuing your dreams? Do you feel stuck in patterns that keep happening over and over again in your financial life?

What happens in your financial life is determined by your money blueprint.  Your money blueprint is your conscious and unconscious beliefs about money.  These are beliefs that you have inherited from your family, the culture and beliefs you determined from your own experiences with money.  If these beliefs are positive and expansive—you will experience abundance and ease in your financial life.  If these beliefs are negative and limiting—you will experience scarcity, fear and frustration in your financial life.

Examples of limiting beliefs about money are: “I don’t deserve to have abundance” “Money is the root of all evil” “I don’t have what it takes to earn more money” “People with a lot of money are materialistic” “You have to work really hard to have a lot of money” “If I have a lot of money other people won’t like me or be jealous of me””Other people are stopping me from having more money”. 

Examples of positive, expansive beliefs about money are: “I deserve abundance in my life” “Working with money is easy” “I can bring in more money and still have balance in my life” “I will be an inspiration and role model of abundance for those around me” “I have everything  I need to bring more abundance into my life right now.”

The challenge is that many of the beliefs that you have about money are unconscious—meaning you are consciously unaware of what these beliefs are.  This can be frustrating because if you are unaware of these beliefs—you can’t change them– and they will continue to keep you stuck and unable to get to where you want.  Here are some exercises that you can do to flush these unconscious beliefs to the surface so you can deal with them directly.

Exercises to Uncover your beliefs about Money:

1.      Write down the word “Money” on a blank piece of paper.  Write down all of your associations with the word money.  Anything that pops into your mind.  Look at the words that you wrote down –are they positive or negative—or a mix of both?  Can you see from this exercise some of your negative associations with money.  Now write down the words that you want to associate with money—examples could be : fun, ease, joy, giving, freedom. Write and affirmation with this word “Money is fun” “Working with money is easy” “Money is good and I deserve to have it”.

2.      What beliefs to you have about people who have a lot of Money?– Write these beliefs down.  These beliefs give you a lot of information about your own beliefs about money.  Example—“People with a lot of money did something dishonest to get it”  This indicates that you believe that in order to get more money you will have to be dishonest—and of course you don’t want to do that —so you block yourself from having more money.  Or you might cap off how much money is acceptable for you to have before you fall into what you perceive as the category of “People with a lot of money.”  Or your belief could be that “People with a lot of money use people and take advantage of them to get money.”  Or “People with a lot of money are stuck up or superficial”. 


Any negative association or judgment about people with a lot of money ends up sabotaging your capacity to bring in abundance—because you believe you will be perceived this way if you have a lot of money.  There is a whole range of people who have a lot of money—some are kind and generous—and some may be unkind and greedy. The reality is that you get to decide what kind of person you will be with your abundance.  Shift your belief by focusing on the people who do wonderful things with their abundance. The more you embrace positive associations with people with money—the easier you can move into bringing in more abundance yourself.  And then know that you can have a positive impact on the world by the way that you channel your wealth and abundance.


3.      Write out your financial biography- Each of us has a financial biography—a history of how money has been viewed and handled in our family’s history and in our own lives.  It is important to think about this because it will give you clues to your unconscious beliefs.  An example of part of my financial biography is that my Mother’s father (my grandfather) grew up very poor—his parents were emigrants from Croatia and his father died when he was 9 years old.  When he died it was also during the Great Depression so it was a very difficult time for his Mother and 3 siblings.  All of the kids started to work to bring in money—by grandfather was good at this and developed this skill and became a young entrepreneur.  He later went on to build a hotel and bought a bar.  He was very frugal with his money and I recall him noting each time we ate how much he paid for each item. 


What are the beliefs about money that I inherited from this story?  Some of them are positive beliefs and some are limiting.  The positive beliefs are “No matter what the financial challenge, there is always a creative way to bring money in” one of the limiting beliefs is “I have to work non-stop to bring money in, I can’t take time to enjoy the fruits of my labor”.  This limiting belief comes from a time period when there was a lot of challenges in my grandfathers life around money—and he did have to work quite a bit.  But now is a different situation and I can embrace a more positive belief which is “I work and also allow money to flow to me—when I take time to relax I open myself to even more abundance.” The fears about money from an earlier time can echo down through the generations and fuel an unconscious fear in you today.  Notice which of your limiting beliefs come from a painful time in your family history—and that you still may operate from it—even though that event is over and not happening in your life.  The more you can operate from beliefs of faith and trust rather than fear and scarcity—the easier it will be for you.


The important thing to remember is that whatever we believe acts as true.  Look at the financial beliefs that you have inherited from your family and carefully choose the beliefs that you want to operate your life from.  Question—is this belief coming from fear or trust?  If is coming from fear—it is going to limit your capacity for abundance.  If it is coming from trust—it will expand your capacity to bring in abundance.


4.      Write down your families beliefs about money– After doing the financial biography you can begin to write out the financial beliefs operating in your family.  Write down how much you adhere to this belief in your own life.  Or you may have rebelled against a belief and went to the exact opposite.   An example of this is if your family was very frugal and did it in a way that was very fear based and restrictive—you may rebel by overspending.  Their belief may have been “The priority is to save money and not have fun—saving for the future is the priority” and you may go the opposite and say “Money is to spend now—I don’t have to worry about the future.” Both beliefs are limiting.  The reality is that there can be a balance of saving for the future and having fun in the present. 

      The underlying limiting belief in both of these statements is that you can’t do both at the same time—have money AND fun.  Look at the beliefs you have inherited and decide which ones you want to keep and which ones you want to replace.  Write out an affirmation to replace the limiting belief.  For the beliefs listed above it could be “I am able to balance saving money and having fun in my life-they both are important.”


5.      Notice the problems you have in your life around money—What are the reoccurring themes and patterns you have about money?  Is it that you are able to save a certain amount of money, but then some emergency happens that depletes your money and your back to square one?  Is it that you run out of money and then have to borrow from others?  Do you have people who always borrow from you?  Are you stuck in earning the same amount of money you have earned for years?


 Your outer world reflects your inner beliefs—so you can look to your outer world to see your beliefs.  What beliefs would someone have to create this experience?  If the theme is just when you get ahead financially some external circumstance brings you down—you have a self-sabotage pattern going on.  What are the beliefs supporting this?  Is it “I don’t deserve to have abundance” or “I am only allowed to succeed this much—I can’t go beyond this” “It is not OK to be make more money than my parents did” “I feel guilty if my life goes well when other family members are struggling so much.” 

It is important to get to the core of the beliefs that are fueling reoccurring patterns in your life.  These beliefs are causing needless suffering in your life.  This exercise is great to do with a friend or a therapist—they can give you feedback on a pattern that you may be so close to that you aren’t able to see how your own beliefs are creating it.


As you uncover and shift your beliefs about money your outer experiences will begin to change.  Here are some other things you can do to bring in more abundance.

Tips to bring in Abundance

1.      Give Yourself a Raise- Determine how much money you would like to make this year above and beyond what you already make.  Pick a number that feels like a stretch, yet somewhat realistic.  Now brainstorm ways that you could bring in this extra money and list these out. This is on the practical level.  Now shift gears and open up to the universal flow of abundance—consciously open up to receiving money in ways that you never dreamed possible. 

      Money can come to you in so many different ways—just open up to receiving it.  One of the more magical ways I have heard of money coming to someone is when she was driving in the country money started blowing all around her car.  So she stopped to gather it up—it was like to appeared out of nowhere!  To open up to this you can use the affirmation “Money comes to me in magical and unexpected ways.”  Combine doing things on the practical level to bring money in and also stay to open money flowing to you in these unexpected ways as well.  This is an important technique to use in our current climate of fear around money.  Instead of moving into fear and becoming immobilized—move into faith and action.  What can I do to bring money in now matter what is happening externally?  Focus on bringing it in both practically and magically.


2.      Declutter your home- If you think of money as energy it will flow more easily to you if you are open and unblocked.  We can “block” ourselves in a variety of ways—one is with our own negative thinking which I addressed earlier in this article. 

      Another way we can block ourselves is by hanging on to clutter.  Clutter can literally block the energy in our home and in us—stopping the flow of abundance that wants to come to us.  Hanging on to clutter is based on fears about scarcity—“if I let go of this I am afraid I may need it someday.”  This is an inherent lack of trust in the abundant flow of the Universe bringing to you what you need when you need it.  It again is operating from fear rather than trust.  I had a client who decluttered her basement and a week later she received a check out of the blue for $10,000!  Delutter and open up to the flow of abundance that wants to come to you.


3.      Treat what you do have with Care- How do you handle your current finances?  Are you mindful and wise with how you spend your money now? Keep monthly totals of what you bring in and what you spend.  Know what your net worth is every month.  Is your spending in alignment with your highest priorities?  Do you have debt that you need to address?  Develop a repayment plan for your debt and put it into your budget—and then take action to bring in more abundance.  Focus more on ways to bring money in than spending time in worry and fear over the debt. Do you overspend?  Look at what this is about for you. 

      Do you overspend to fill up an inner emptiness, does it give you a “high”, or do you feel a sense of power.  Address these deeper issues with a therapist so you can release this pattern. Do you have a financial plan for your future? If not make an appointment with a financial planner.  Ask your friends if they have a recommendation of who to work with.  Make sure you are handling what you do have with care.  List ways you could handle your current money better.  You will not be able to bring in more abundance if you are mismanaging the money that you currently have.


4.      Improve Your Self-Worth- The better you feel about yourself, the more money you will bring in.  This works on three levels—one if you are confident about who you are—you are a magnet for people and opportunities.  Good things will be drawn to you.  People will want to work with you and be around you.  Second—if you feel good about yourself you will be more likely to see the value of the work you do and expect to be paid accordingly.  You will be able to more confidently go to your boss and ask for a raise because you really believe in the value of what you do.  Or if you have your own business and value what you do—others will value it too and will want to do business with you.  List out the value of the work that you do—all that you bring to your job or business.  If you get stuck with this—brainstorm with a co-worker or trusted friend.


The third and more important way that self-worth affects the money that we bring in is that low self-worth makes you feel that you don’t deserve abundance—that you’re not worthy of having it.  If you don’t feel worthy of abundance you will unconsciously block it from coming in to begin with—or it will come in but something will happen for you to lose it.  If this is the pattern for you look at this deeper belief of not feeling deserving and shift it to “I do deserve abundance, I am worthy of tremendous abundance.”


5.      Examine What You Think More Money will Give You- If you had all of the money you wanted to have—what do you think that would bring you—peace, freedom, time,  joy, happiness, love—you could spend time doing things you love to do?  Look at making changes in your life to bring those things into your life NOW.  What could you do to feel more Joy in your life now?  Sometimes people can chase after the idea of more money as a panacea for the things that they could actually have in their lives this very moment.  The more you open up to creating what you want now—you will lift your vibration and you will naturally draw more financial abundance to you as well.


6.      Do What You Love and the Money Will Follow- This is one of my favorite phrases—it is from a book that was published years ago.  As you align yourself with your life’s purpose—follow what you love—the money will come to you.  Set your intention that you can do what you love and make money.  Here is a good quote “Often people attempt to live their lives backward; they try to have more things, or more money in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier.  You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.”   Margaret Young.

7.      Feel the abundance you currently have in your life—your home, your health, the people you love and feel the deep appreciation for all of your blessings.  This deep appreciation will fill your heart and will give you the deep satisfaction that you are yearning for.  While it is wonderful to reach for more abundance and to bring more money in –it is important to always rest in the appreciation of what you have now.  This appreciation is one of the biggest magnets for money and will insure your path to even greater abundance will be a joyful one.


Wishing you fun and joy as you transform your relationship with money and open up to the incredible abundance you deserve!

Hi, I'm Shelley Riutta MSE, LPC a Holistic Psychotherapist in private practice. I specialize in helping people connect with their Authentic selves--and from this create a life that is in alignment with their Life Purpose and filled with Joy. I offer transformational individual counseling, presentations, groups and Workshops. You can get my Free Workbook "What Do You REALLY Want: Finding Purpose and Passion in Your Life" here or contact me at 877-346-1167.

One Response to “Transforming Your Relationship with Money”

  1. Carolyn says:

    Shelley, this is one of the best summaries of money-mindset issues I’ve read. There’s so much good stuff here!

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